Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
