Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
