I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
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