I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
