I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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