Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
