Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
