You're so nebulous sometimes
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
