I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
