biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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