I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
