How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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