Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
