I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
