You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
