shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
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