Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize