can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
