eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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