The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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