that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
