After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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