I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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