apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
