When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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