new low.... made out with someone while peeing
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
