So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
