I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He passed out mid-signature
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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