I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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