There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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