my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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