she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
