I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
