It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
