My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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