batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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