That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
