Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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