i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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