Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
