Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
