speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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