It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
