So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
