Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
