No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
