I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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