So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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