In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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