So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
