Ambien. No doubt about it.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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