I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
