the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
