Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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