Don't make out with my wife yet
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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