2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
