There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize