I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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