I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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