Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
