drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
