I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
