He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
