Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
