yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
