false alarm. still invincible.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
