you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
