did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
