Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
