I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
